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Date 20/10/2013




 Lyf kesa kesa turning point dikhata hai.Bhut dino baadh blog likh ra hu,qki jab bhi bht kuch bolna hota hai tbhi likhta hu me.Mene humesha chaha ki tu meri life me wapus aa jaye but esa bilkol ni chahta tha ki tera entry esa ho life me jesai ki tu mere bina mur jayegi or relation me rehne k tym tera behaivr esa ho jaye jaise u dnt give a shit to me.maanta hu jab tere sath relation me ni tha to bht miss krta tha tujhe,thora upset bhi tha but depressed ni tha me.Tu life me aye dubara 3 august 2013 me.lyf me aane se pehle hi mene tujhe poocha tha ki is baar koi prob to ni hoga na,is baar to hum alag ni honge na.Tab tune hi kaha tha ki ni rahul is baar hum alag ni honge,chahe jo v ho jaye aapki shadi mere sath hi hogi.or ab relation me aa jaane ke badh tu esai din dikha ri hai ki main kya bolu.Ye ni bol skta ki xpectation ni tha ki tu fir esai bure din dikhayegi.Me janta tha if i am entring into a commited relationship thn mujhe rona hoga.san jante hue bhi ki tune kya kiya q kiya kese kiya me tere sath commited hua.sare dosto ne samjhaya.Eshan ki baat to abhi bhi yaad hai ki rahul jaane wala chez kbhi tere pass ni reh skta,usai jaana hi hoga..Anamitra ne bola tha ki me dubara ronga.Us tym fir tere pyar me itna pagal ho gya ki sabki baatein be mayena or be matlab lagne lagi.Sabhi ko mene confidese dilaya ki kuch ni hoga.She is a changed grl now.but deep inside shayud mujhe pta tha ki me sabko or apne aapko jhoota tassali de ra tha.



Durga Puja tak sab kuch thik tha but durga puja khtm hone ke badh se sab kuch badal ra hai.Itna maturity to hai or itni lyf to dekhi hai ki mujhe samajh aye ki relationship agr sidha na chle to wo q or kiss wajah se ni chal ra hai.qki main abhi tk kabhi galat ni hua apne predictions me.2 din pehle esi baat tune kahi jisko xpct ni kia tha mene.Achank se tu kehti hai ki do din pehle mujhe nepal le jaane ki baat hue humesha k lia.Janta to tha me ki hum is baar bhi ek ni ho payenge but fir bhi najane q pair ke niche se zameen khisak gyi.Kuch time ke liye to mujhe samajh ni aya ki me kya react kru.qki itni badi baat wo itne assani se bta ri thi jaise ye koi badi baat hi na ho.mene usai kaha ki mna kr de to usne kaha me papa ko or dukh ni de skti,Main ni de sakti kissi ko itna dukh.Fir mene socha ki tere papa ke dukh agr count kiye jaye to tune pichle 5 saalo me kitna hi dukh mujhe diya jisai ab me normal samajh ke chor hi deta hu.agr tu kissi ko itna dukh ni de skti to tere samne kitna gir gira k ro chuka hu lekin teri awaz me jo rudeness tha mere liye wo kum kitno hi baar ni hua mere rone ko dekh kr bhi.kitne baar to tune esa kaha hai ki rote raho fone rakh do..jab rona ho jaye tb fone krna.esai bolti hai jesai me uska pyar ni ek rah ka chlta normal aadmi hu jo ki uske saamne ro ni raha balki khana kha ra hai or wo us rah chlte aadmi ko bol ri ho ki kha lo khana khtm ho jaye to bula lena.Agar tu kissi ko itna dukh ni de sakti to main kya stone ka bna hu jisai kuch mehsoos ni hota.



Tune mujhe us rat suggest kia ki Court me shadi kr lete hai or us raat hi ni tune bht baar esa kaha hai ki chalo rahul shadi kr lete hai.but mene humesha mana kr diya but us raat mene shadi ke liye v razi ho gya.apne frnd se consult kia to usne btaya ki-"arragements ho jayega but tu dekhna jaise hi tu usai shadi ke liye kahega wo mana kr degi" or tune mana kia.Mere us frnd ne kaha ki-"esa ni hai ki (let my gf name be jaya)jaya tujhe lyk ni krti karti hai but dat is the prob.wo bus lyk karti hai.wo relation me to aa gyi tere sath but wo ab pachta rahi hai apne is faisle pr ki relation me ana sahi tha.teri (means me) hurkato ko dekhkr usai kabhi kabhi pyar ata hai tere upr but tu jab dukh me rota hai to wo irritate feel krti hai.dhire dhire usko tere andr khamiya nazar ayegi,wo chiri chiri si rahegi."Jaya according to him tu kahi na kahi khudh serious ni hai mujhe lekr.end me kuch v bahana maar ke tu chali hi jayegi nepal.



Teri awaz me jaya ab meere liye wo pyar ni raha,wo mithas ni rahi.ab mujhe tujhse kuch ppoochne me dur lgne lga hai ki kahi kissi question ka koi esa reply na de jisai mera dil toot jaye.teri awaz me ab mujhe lgta hai ki tu ek boyfrnd se ni balki ek normal frnd se baat kr rahi hai.main love u bolta tha to tu love u bolti thi.but ab me luv u bolta reh jata hu or tujhe bolke samjhana pdta hai ki me bhi ye umeed rkhta hu ki tu v mujhe love u 2 bole.tere love u bolne ke tarike se lgta hai jaise tu kuch or bol ri hai.love u ka actual matlab hi badla badla sa lgta hai.Ab mujhe wo pyar marta dikh ra hai.wo soch marti dikh rahi hai jo ki humne socha tha sath me rehne ka,shadi kerne ka.mujhe is baar bhi pta hai ki hum alag honge.chahe tu mera kitna v mazak uda k bol ki astrology ka dukaan khol lo.dis nd dat lekin me is baat pe confidnt hu ki hum alag honge.bus intezar hai to teri us ek step ka jo tu mujhe chorne k liye leti hai



Bhut hi zada miss kr ra hu apne frnds ko.qki pichle baar nashe or frnds ne sambhal liya tha.bt ab to koi bhi ni hai.na nasha hai nahi koi frnd hai.main kya soch ra hu kya kr ra hu mujhe kuch samajh ni aa ra.bus yahi pray krta hu ki depression or frustration me kuch kr na loo jo mujhe ni krna chahiye.....

LOVE OR LUST

LOVE OR LUST

Again m up with my another blog.The reason y i write blog is wenever i wanna say sumthing or wanna xpress sumthing ,i found writing as a best way to xpress myself.Today M confuse that In a relationship wat is more important LOVE or LUST(physical relationship).Like my earlier blog this blog is also about my drastically changed life and about my ex girlfriend.Its around 2 n a half year from the day wen we broke up.When u left me all alone without thinking about me about my feelings.I accepted that bitter truth dat my happy days are over when i use to wait fr ur messages,fr ur calls.All those feeling which i use to cherish alot,use to think about every small step of my life with u..Now its all over.

I often use to think and many times i even said this thing to u dat if we broke up it will defenetly happen all becoz of you and she use to say dat "BHAROSA NI HAI KYA".I Guess meri hi nazar lg gyi mere relationship me.Wen we were in relationship I always use to feel this feeling ki one day u really gonna leave me behind in your life cycle,i guess i always knew dis thing bt i was never ready fr this breakup And now i got my punishment fr dat mistake.Everything which I planed for my life is only with u nd fr u.When I ws in relationship,thr are lots of thing to ask to god wen i pray..Like God pls MERI SHADI USAI KRA DO,GOD PLZ LIFE ME ITNA SUCCESSFULL BNA DO KI ME USAI SHADI KR SKU..wat so ever the pray is,it is connected to u..connected to our relationship and now i don't find anything to ask to god.its like i don't want anything from god or from life becoz the only thing i wanted is u..

Tumne chahe jo bhi galut kia hoga ya kia hai mere sath.Humesha mujhe ek feeling rehta tha ki tum kiss hud tk gir skti ho.Lgta hai humare bich pehle jo bhi rha tha,kuch bhi naam do bus usai pyar ka naam mt do. bus ek mzaak ya shayud timepass krne ka ek trika tha tumhare liye.But mere liye nahi wo tympass krna tha or naahi wo mzaak tha.Bus yhi do chiz chorke mere liye wo relation sab kuch tha.Kal jab mujhe pta chla ki u had sex with junaid.Mujhe is baat pe bura ni lga ki u had sex with him but mujhe ye sochkr bhut bura nd rona aya ki ek ladki jab ek ladke ke sath sex krne ke liye ready ho jati hai iska matlab yhi rehta hai ki wo ladki us ladke pe bht zada trust nd bhut bhut hi zada pyar krti hai.Mere itna pyar itna care ke bawjood tumne mujhe chor diya or junaid to pyar bhi ni krta tha mere jitna,maarta tha tumhe or us insaan ke sath tumne sex kiya,iska matlab us insaan se mujhse zada pyar kiya tumne ya tumhe chahiye tha sirf physical relationship.Main to esa bilkool ni tha yaar.mast husta masty krta hua ladka tha.kya se kya bna diya..Agr relation khtum hi krna tha to strt hi kyu kiya...y u made my life hell yaar

All of my friends is saying to me "ki Tune ek baar sex agar ker liya hota to tujhe kbhi ni chorti."But i thought about this thing dat is SEX is dat much important in a relationship??Bcoz according to me in a relationship only trust and love are to basic ingridients which are important.Is loving you unconditionally,the way i use to care fr u are really my fault.Is it my fault that I never saw u as a sex material.The only thing which I use to think about my relationship is to put my self in a very well position so dat i can come to ur house fr a marrage proposal,love you so much and never ever make you cry.Really yaar its hard to belive dat you left me just bcoz I never got physical to you.And if sex is important thn wats so hurry fr dat.We have the whole life to enjoy that.If we r in a relationship thn according to me we should think about our carrier..so dat we can put ourself in a respective position in life by dat we can live happily ever after..isn't it???

After hearing all ur past and present news i always think that how can anyone like you, can have a two face nature.when an unknown person talk to you.You behave so nicely dat dat guy use to think abt u dat "HOW INOCENT SHE IS,HOW ANYONE CAN DO  BAD WITH HER."But really dear now i knw they really don't know abt ur second dark sided face,jaise mene nhi janna tha.Sumtymes i really feel bad fr my self dat hw can I love a grl like u so much who don't even hv a heart to feel my love.I really feel disgusted wen i think dat my love fr u is so deep in my heart dat its really very hard to move on from u.From the past 2 an a half year every fucking day i wake up nd i say to myself ki aajj yaad ni krna hai tujhe..nd i fail every day.

But ya on the counter side i love to go to my flashback nd love to think about u,love to think about ur sweet inocent face ur smile,although those days are totally fake but still it means a lot to me.I don't have word to xpress my happy feeling wenever i think about our relationship.I know m a stupid guy who is still waiting fr his x but u knw wat now after hearing all of this about you and geting so much proffs against you, from inside m fighting with my own to xcpt this shit dat u r not cuming back to me bcoz now u become a totally different person..Itz really hard fr me to kill the last hope which was thr inside me but ya i have to........

RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT U

Random thoughts were cuming on ma mind..so to loose sum traffic on mind m writing tis...JUST N EFFORT TO LOOSE SUM TRAFFIC..

RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT U

I am nt use to talk to you as a normal friend. Whenever  u talk to me as a normal friend as you talk with ur other friends..u make me realize that you are not mine anymore,You don’t love me anymore and these are some very poisonous truth that i don’t wanna face.I know you are not mine now but still i love to stay in ma own fake world in which you are all mine,in which you love me same as you use to love me before. It makes me feel happy..

Really i feel very bad whenever i sit alone and think about you and him.Let we take him as Junaid ha..it feels really bad yaar. Whenever I  realization that you love Junaid now, gives a shiver to the inner core of my heart.I always try to hate you by thinking non sence things like why should i love you so much,y should i care for you so much. When you were running an affair on my back. i use to trust you blindly,that time you didn’t cared about my feelings.Dat How am I gonna feel wen i come to know that you dnt love me,you were ditching me.You love your Junaid.Bt in the end it ends thinking about you,it ends thinking about your cute smile,it ends thinking about your pretty face....it ends loving you.

I use to admire u,I never mistreated u.I use to  listen whatever you say to me,I use to obey everything you commanded me.In a past 2 an a half year relation I never forced you to obbey my command.I never commanded you infact  i use to request you with a propore reasoning.I still remember i touched you only 7 times on the first 1 yr of our relationsip dat is also when we take or recieve something from each other.I thought u might get angry nd make a wrong image of mine over your head and I really don’t wantd dat.Bcoz i loved you not your body.had done a lot of sacrifices for you,Fight with my parents fr u,fight with my frnds fr u.when i caught you red handed 5 times thn also i didn’t told you that i knw that you are ditching me.I even didn’t scold u wen you lied to me that you are not goin to talk to Junaid but still you talked to him late night and you told me that Rahul we can’t able to talk at night bcoz ur mom had your fone.I still didn’t scold you wen one night i caught you talkin to Junaid and you finally told me that U LOVE JUNAID.U knw y i didn’t scold you..bcoz i cared fr u.Board Exams were cumin nd i dnt want to spoil your mood which effects your board exam.AND in the other hand Junaid according to you..He use to hit you,He use to smooch you forcefully,he use to insult you.may be he loved or love you too.But still Noone can love you the way i loved you or i love you.

After doing so much,after loving so much what i get in return is a BETRAY.I got insulted,treated as a not so important friend,you dont give a shit to my feelings,you never think before wat so ever u are saying to me.without thinking dat those words can hurt me.But you dnt care about it at all.And what Junaid get in return,You love him so much that if anyone said a wrong thing about Junaid,dat person bcomes an enemy for you.Infact u hurt me many times,you playd with my emotion,with my feelings many time bcoz of him.Bcoz now i bcome a game fr u....

Sometimes I think what i get in return after doin a faithfull love.I lost confidence that i can love anyone else the way i loved you.and if i can’t give love to dat grl the way i gave you thn it will be unjustice with that girl.U made me paralyzed...I can’t love again....

I am writing blog first time nd i gave very least interest over spellings n ol..I writin tis blog in an SMS style so KAAM CHLA LO YAAR.. :D

THAT WONDERFUL EVENING

Got to do nthing dats y writin this blog..right now m On a train so geting bore..jst lyin on the upper birth n i was thinkin abt u ESKIMO..Thought dat thinkin abt u might mk me fall asleeep...bt plan failed nd i got so much indulge in ur thought dat i opened ma laptop instead of sleepin...nd strted typing this shit..:P

Dat evening was a normal evenig,i came home from cyber cafe nd saw lots of misscall on ma fone..i called back nd i got amazed aftr listenin ur voice nd kinda happy to ear to ear... u through a bomb over me...u thundered over me lyk a mad cloud wich is in a vry baaaaad mood..kaha the,kub se fone kr ri hu tis nd dat..nd after dat u demanded fr dat wich i nvr expected ..A MEETING..our first Durga pooja in wich we met.actually dat was a date wich u fixed..nd i was frighten lyk hell..bht dra hua tha yaar..but i ws xcited too dat hw u gonna look,hw i gonna mk u feel,whether u feel comfortable or nt with me etc etc..i askd ma frnds 100 tyms dat m looking gud or nt..bt lookin good is nt the only requirement fr a date..u need money too wich was nt in ma pocket dat evening..bcoz i olready spnded ol ovr on the BEST invention of science called THE INTERNET..so i went to ma finance minister ma mom nd askd her fr a 100 bucks wich was usually nt at ol necessary fr me. Bcoz i nvr ask dat mch of money..My mom took out a crisp one hundred note from wich gandhiji grinned at me..

Then with ma BMW wich got only two wheels nd a HERO tag in it..ya ya it was ma cycle so wat, i can adress it by callin it MA BMW.i went to gorubanda wich was ma mission engagin point nd searchd u...nd wen i got u..wwaaoo man u wr lookin stunnin,stunnin lyk heavn..i still remember every sec of dat evening...of dat beautifull pooja evening n u made dat pooja more special fr me..ur black top,ur jeans ur heals,ur perfectly mk out hair..uuufff..every1 was lookin at u nd on seein thm i was feelin so much lucky,jailous nd more of dat..FEELIN PROUD..i jst wanna shout loud on those guyz dat...YEAH BITCHES SHE IS MA GF..I HV FAR MORE BEAUTIFUL GF THN U GUYZ CN EVR HV OR CN IMAGINE.After seein every couple out thr holding hand in hand.I olso wanted to hold ur hand but i was to affraid to loose u dat i thought u might can get upset if i hold ur hand so i choose to walk nd listen to u..

I didn't said too much dat evening....bcoz i was more concern abt ur brother..dat he might appear as a GENIE  n turn ma best evening into ma biggst nightmare ...nd actually i was feelin shy olso...dat was my first date lyk dat..dats y.still remember dat sprit wich i got fr u, dat 500 ml sprite frm wich u had 2 sip as if u r in doubt dat i might mix sumthin poisonous in it nd ur  tasting it whether dat drink is poisonous or nt ..nd the whole carbonated liquid with sum amt of sugar was drunk by me.after that u asked me fr dat heart shaped balloon..wich lookd lyk dat heart is of sum malnutritious child..u askd fr one ,i guess nd i brought 2 or 3 to create n impression in frnt of u bcoz frankly speakin u didn't cost me dat date dat costly..frm those three ballons, only one reachd ur home successfully n safely..yyyeaaahh!!!

Now the whole evening came to its end nd its tym to go home.wen u went to ur frnds place to get back ur cycle,i was getin upset...upset to death bcoz even imagining abt the end of dat wonderful evenin was so horrifyin nd dat end was happening fr real.. [ :( ]..Wen i was bidding u gud bye i was nt at ol in a mood to snd u back home..i jst stayed thr nd watchd u disappearing into dat dark area.i was thr till u reachd ur home..nd i wnt heavy heartdly to my home swt home..bt wat to do...everything hv its end in its way nd in its own tym...jst lyk our relation gt over...didn't thought abt dis in ma wildest dream..dat we r goin to live like a stranger..:'(

MISSIN U ESKIMO